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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043464">Be Thankful Some Know It Lovingly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncommon_Lamp/pseuds/Uncommon_Lamp'>Uncommon_Lamp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Betrayal, But you already knew that, Character Study, Crying, Dubiously Consentual Sensuality, Jonah is a prick, Kind of a vent fic, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Mordechai Lukas (mentioned) - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessive Behavior, The Lonely - Freeform, Touch-Starved, Toxic Relationship, Whump, author was going through some stuff while writing, is that even a thing?, sometimes we process trauma by writing about this piece of shit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:48:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,678</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncommon_Lamp/pseuds/Uncommon_Lamp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonah visits Barnabas in The Lonely sometimes, partly to feed his patron, partly for his own curiosity. </p><p>(Title: Moment's Silence - Hozier)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barnabas Bennett/Jonah Magnus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Prayer In Perfect Piety</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Jonah Magnus? Me and my homies fucking hate Jonah Magnus</p><p>(CW: manipulation in the context of a relationship, power inbalance, screwing with people for the sake of screwing with them I guess, Jonah gets off on other people's pain.) Fair word of warning that I read Jonah as being incredibly abusive, and this is part vent-fic part character study, so if you're looking for fluff this ain't the place, stay safe.</p><p>And, as always, comments and kudos feed my goblin brain.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was fascinating, really.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The human mind; such a feeble thing, so fragile, so easily driven to complete and utter madness. Jonah had seen men within an inch of their own sanity, he’d even crumbled pillars of their psyche himself when it was needed. Though, he didn’t precisely know what was so intoxicating about the pain, the fear.</p><p> </p><p>And Barnabas Bennet was certainly afraid.</p><p> </p><p>Those fine curves of his face melded into an image of reverent terror. And he'd fallen to his knees only moments after seeing Jonah in the doorframe. His mouth fell agape, grasping for the air that had been knocked from his lungs, though for what reason, Jonah didn't know. Surprise? Disbelief? It was true that Barnabas had spent a year in total solitude but he had been the one who had asked for his help.</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden the man he'd known was shaking; crying, grasping at his thin frame in hopes to center himself.</p><p> </p><p>Barnabas' gaze never settled on Jonah, but instead he bowed his head to the floor, as if staring at him was like staring at the sun.</p><p> </p><p>And, in a way, perhaps it was, he knew the powers of The Eye could be overwhelming.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Barabas shook his head and slumped back down to the ground, his hair freely falling into his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Another one of your tricks, Mordechai?” He laughed humorlessly, still desperately trying to settle his breathing.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not, pet.”</p><p> </p><p>Jonah approached him carefully, slowly, there was almost sympathy in his eyes. He held his hand out to him tenderly but Barnabas shifted away, the gloss of tears filling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not real, I know you aren’t… Don’t-”</p><p> </p><p>Jonah lifted his fingers to the man’s chin, gently guiding him to meet his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here, darling.”</p><p> </p><p>That was all it took. The tenderness of the moment matched with Jonah’s warm touch against his cool skin shook him to his core. He sobbed against his hand, closing his eyes tight and pressing further against his palm like a keening dog.</p><p> </p><p>Jonah smirked cruelly at that.</p><p> </p><p>Fascinating.</p><p> </p><p>He knew what solitude could do to the mind, and Barnabas was certainly far from the hardest of men but he’d always kept his dignity, even around Jonah Magnus.</p><p> </p><p>Though here he was. Weak. Kneeling. Trembling in a fearful kind of affection that immediately broke any facade of softness within Jonah.</p><p>It was the power, he thought.</p><p>That was what he enjoyed from this; that sent horrifically vivid pictures of everything he could do to him into his head. He grinned to himself, idly tracing his fingers across Barnabas’ jawline and whispering simple praises in no particular order.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, when he looked up at him with a frightened expression Jonah wiped the tears from his eyes. “Oh, you poor thing, look what he’s done to you.” He murmured, a patronizing tenderness filled his voice. “Must have been dreadful being here on your own for so long.” Barnabas could only nod weakly, still trembling; pathetic and lovely like a wounded animal.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, he doesn't get to have you."</p><p> </p><p>Jonah knelt an inch in front of him, burying his face in his neck and littering his pretty pale skin with bites and soft kisses. Barnabas whimpered when he grazed his teeth along the line of his collarbone before twisting the supple flesh between them.</p><p> </p><p>He’d missed this. He’d missed touching him. He’d missed how he’d obeyed him. How he was so scared of him. And frankly, he had every reason to be.</p><p>Barnabas remained limp, his face still wet with tears. Jonah didn’t seem to care, temporarily removing his lips from his skin to work his way down to the buttons of his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder.” He growled, teeth baring in a cruel grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like me to take you away from this awful place?.”</p><p> </p><p>Shocked, Barnabas’ eyes flew wide open, frantically nodding his head but no words could pass their way through his trembling lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm… nothing to say? Pity.”</p><p> </p><p>Jonah stood up to leave, revelling in the miserable whine the other man made from the cold shock of the loss of contact. Unintelligible pleas fell freely from him now, desperately grasping at Jonah’s leg like a frightened child.</p><p> </p><p>His pain was wonderful, and he could feel all of it. Every desperate thought that raced through his mind too quick to register, Jonah could see in perfect clarity. He could see all of his sleepless nights, the horrors of seclusion, the chasm of fear that had made its home in this shell of a broken man. He drank in every last inch of suffering he could, and he loved it.</p><p> </p><p>Jonah had never seen what had become of any victims of the Lukas family. Most were all fools who couldn’t pay their debts, much like his Barnabas, and he’d decided long ago that he had little sympathy for the idiotic.</p><p> </p><p>“Worthless.” He grinned. “Perhaps I underestimated the effects of The Lonely, it’s hardly been a year and you're already reduced to this.” He kicked his foot to the side, knockinging him onto his back. Jonah feigned disgust, but inside his heart welled up with a sick satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to listen to me very, very carefully, Barnabas, unless you have any intention of rotting here.” He pressed his heel into the man's breastbone, eliciting another shuddering whine from deep in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Please… no…” He managed, nearly choking on the words.</p><p> </p><p>Jonah smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“Then beg.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. As God Looks On In Abject Apathy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some additional Barnabas Bennet angst, it's all inner monolougue after the events of the last chapter, please mind the CWs.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(CWs: emotional abuse, briefly mentioned physical abuse, lightly implied sexual abuse, unhealthy/toxic/manipulative relationship, power imbalance, descriptions of fear/discomfort, forced intrusive thoughts from eye powers.)<br/>Again, this is not fluff, Jonah is a horrible person.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the first time in over a year, the stark absence of company The Lonely provided was a blessing.  </p><p> </p><p>Barnabas was grateful, at least, there was no one who could see him falling to pieces. The young man lay trembling on the ground, fresh scars in his mind and on his body. </p><p>Surges of an unrelenting panic tore through his mind in waves, paralyzing him in fear and exhaustion.</p><p> </p><p>He was alone now, but the memories passed through his mind on a loop. He found himself unable to stop comprehending, to stop reliving the events in his head in vivid detail. He couldn't stop thinking. <em>Oh God, he couldn't stop thinking.</em></p><p> </p><p> He wished--he prayed to whatever dread power may be listening for respite, maybe death, he didn't know which would be more painless. </p><p> </p><p>Barnabas closed his eyes tight and continued to weep as the repeated images of Jonah Magnus flooded his mind.</p><p>Jonah who loomed above him. Jonah who was touching and grabbing and placing his hands where they didn’t belong. </p><p>Jonah who barely hesitated to hurt him when whatever small constitution still inside him screamed out and refused to comply. </p><p>Jonah who whispered such awful things that made him writhe and tense under him, even in the moments he was hardly touching him. </p><p>Jonah, who, all the while, looked down on him with such indulgent confidence; his smirk sadistically cruel, bordering on the maddening joy of authority. </p><p>Jonah who let his dark chuckling laughter fall through his lips, alluding that the situation was nothing more than a sick joke. </p><p>Jonah who splayed his hands possessively around his beloved's throat and pressed those mocking gentle kisses to the side of his closed mouth. </p><p>Jonah who told him that he was beautiful. </p><p>Jonah who told him that he loved him.</p><p>But Jonah ignored his cries for mercy all the same.</p><p> </p><p>Barnabas didn’t know which made the pit in his stomach swell more; the thought that this could be the Jonah he knew, the Jonah he loved; or that that man was dead, and this terrible apparition that forced him to kneel and sob at his feet as he used him was all that was all that remained. </p><p>He recognized the all-too-familiar ache of fear rip through his body. What he could only explain as an infectious pain blossomed in his chest, making his heart beat against his ribcage like a battering ram against a splintering door. The silent, shaking terror had once again overtaken him. </p><p>But when he screwed his eyes shut all he could see was the face of Jonah Magnus. </p><p> </p><p>He was helpless. He was terrified. And Jonah was right; he was worthless. </p><p>After a period of time too long and horrible for comfort, Jonah had finally left him there. Leaving only the fresh bruises and drying blood on Barnabas’ bare skin. His body would heal in time,of course, but something within him was truly damaged. Truly shattered. If not beyond repair then damn close to it. </p><p>And, although he knew he was alone, the prickling feeling of being watched hadn't left with Jonah.</p><p>He could feel thousands of those invisible eyes on him, silently drinking in his pain, watching his head spin, looking on gleefully in sated approval as they watched him petulantly try and comprehend his own world. The possible and impossible bled together in a clashing mural of greys he couldn't possibly understand. Though fear wasn't quite meant to be understood in the end, now was it?</p><p> </p><p>Everything within him hurt in an all consuming ache, everything was too tense to think, too weak to move. He wanted to disappear, to sink into the ground, to be rid of his body and mind and never return to the terrible prison he'd found himself in. </p><p>Though maybe what broke him most was the thought that Jonah, his Jonah had never held him in his heart to begin with. Maybe he truly did mean less to him than the ground beneath his feet. Maybe Jonah had always hated him. And maybe Jonah had the right. </p><p>He could still feel his hands on him. He could still feel his lips, and his breath on his neck, and the sound of his voice. All the ravenous <em>'I love yous'</em> uttered too much in ironic cruelty to be genuine. </p><p><em>And that wasn't love</em>. He thought. It couldn't be. That couldn't be all that was left for him. That couldn't be all he was deserving of. It just couldn't.</p><p>That was what he told himself, but he couldn't find it within him to believe it. </p><p> </p>
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